Nothing
has really happened over the last few weeks at church, so I wanted to talk
about something a little different today. When you are a single woman beyond
teenage years (usually early twenties and beyond), you go through a phase. People
call it different things. Some call it “being lonely” or “getting desperate”.
Some non-Christians call it “needing to get laid”. I call it “the craving”.
Every
few months I go through this phase. Let me be clear. It has nothing to do with
needing to “get laid”. What happens is you start to desire that romantic
relationship that has thus far eluded you, and you crave it with more intensity
than usual. Things start to rung through your head like “am I so disgusting that
no man could want me? I just want to know that I am desired by someone. Anyone.”
And there is the dangerous trap that can lead girls to pregnancies with unknown
fathers, and sometimes abusive relationships. A lot of girls will try to satisfy
this craving with anyone who will take them, whether it be men they don’t know,
or men they previously said “no” to as they saw undesirable character flaws.
I do not believe that this is all
because of low self-esteem. It is not a constant thought/way of being. And
while I don’t necessarily think that I am the most amazing being on the planet,
I also don’t think I am the worst. It could have something to do with hormones.
I am not entirely sure. But what I do know is that it sucks. When you crave a
doughnut you can give in or stay strong, but the craving will go away quickly
and not severely damage your psyche. This sticks with you, and can cause a lot
of emotional damage. As humans, we are beings that constantly desire
relationship and community. Even as an introvert I understand this.
Looking at the relationships
around us, Christian women know/are told that there are three relationships
above all others: a relationship with God, with a spouse, and with your child.
As a single woman, we can really only achieve one out of three (single mothers,
you are awesome and get two out of three). We know that huge parts of our life
are missing. And while we wait for God to fill those “holes”, we have to be
careful. From my personal experience, here is what has worked for me:
To the beautiful ladies experiencing The Craving:
1)
Know that it will eventually pass.
2)
Avoid romantic movies and music. It sounds
weird, but it will remind you of what you’re missing, and extend how long you
dwell in this evil pit.
3)
Avoid situations that will have you around a lot
of men, unless you have amazing control. You don’t want to end up in a
situation you’ll regret.
4)
Invest in hobbies that will keep your mind
occupied, and not let it wander.
5)
Spend time with people who love you.
6)
Listen to David Crowder’s “How He Loves Us” on
repeat.
To the awesome people with single women in your lives:
1)
DO NOT pity us. It makes us feel like you think
you’re better than us.
2)
Never tell us that “marriage isn’t that great. It’s
way better to be single.” We know one of two things from that sentence. Either
you’re lying, or your own marriage is in serious trouble.
3)
Don’t start recommending things like dating
websites, or men you know. This will only perpetuate the problem.
4)
Spend time with us without giving advice. Play
games with us; do fun things that will take our minds off of it.
5)
Tell us that we are amazing and awesome, but don’t
say things like “I don’t understand why you aren’t married yet!” or “any man
would be luck y to have you”. Leave men out of it.
6)
Do something that lets us know that you were
thinking of us like making us cookies. Cookies always help J
Single women who know they aren’t meant to stay single know
(since we have been told over and over and over again) that no man will be able
to solve all of our problems. But, we also know that there are huge benefits from
marriage, and that is what we desire. Please be patient with us. And ladies-
have hope. I am doing my best to stay strong and believe that what God has in
store for me will be more than I could ever imagine. I need you to stay strong
with me.
