The Craving

                Nothing has really happened over the last few weeks at church, so I wanted to talk about something a little different today. When you are a single woman beyond teenage years (usually early twenties and beyond), you go through a phase. People call it different things. Some call it “being lonely” or “getting desperate”. Some non-Christians call it “needing to get laid”. I call it “the craving”.

                Every few months I go through this phase. Let me be clear. It has nothing to do with needing to “get laid”. What happens is you start to desire that romantic relationship that has thus far eluded you, and you crave it with more intensity than usual. Things start to rung through your head like “am I so disgusting that no man could want me? I just want to know that I am desired by someone. Anyone.” And there is the dangerous trap that can lead girls to pregnancies with unknown fathers, and sometimes abusive relationships. A lot of girls will try to satisfy this craving with anyone who will take them, whether it be men they don’t know, or men they previously said “no” to as they saw undesirable character flaws.

I do not believe that this is all because of low self-esteem. It is not a constant thought/way of being. And while I don’t necessarily think that I am the most amazing being on the planet, I also don’t think I am the worst. It could have something to do with hormones. I am not entirely sure. But what I do know is that it sucks. When you crave a doughnut you can give in or stay strong, but the craving will go away quickly and not severely damage your psyche. This sticks with you, and can cause a lot of emotional damage. As humans, we are beings that constantly desire relationship and community. Even as an introvert I understand this.

Looking at the relationships around us, Christian women know/are told that there are three relationships above all others: a relationship with God, with a spouse, and with your child. As a single woman, we can really only achieve one out of three (single mothers, you are awesome and get two out of three). We know that huge parts of our life are missing. And while we wait for God to fill those “holes”, we have to be careful. From my personal experience, here is what has worked for me:

To the beautiful ladies experiencing The Craving:

      1)      Know that it will eventually pass.

      2)      Avoid romantic movies and music. It sounds weird, but it will remind you of what you’re missing, and extend how long you dwell in this evil pit.

      3)      Avoid situations that will have you around a lot of men, unless you have amazing control. You don’t want to end up in a situation you’ll regret.

      4)      Invest in hobbies that will keep your mind occupied, and not let it wander.

      5)      Spend time with people who love you.

      6)      Listen to David Crowder’s “How He Loves Us” on repeat. 

      To the awesome people with single women in your lives:

      1)      DO NOT pity us. It makes us feel like you think you’re better than us.

      2)      Never tell us that “marriage isn’t that great. It’s way better to be single.” We know one of two things from that sentence. Either you’re lying, or your own marriage is in serious trouble.

      3)      Don’t start recommending things like dating websites, or men you know. This will only perpetuate the problem.

      4)      Spend time with us without giving advice. Play games with us; do fun things that will take our minds off of it.

      5)      Tell us that we are amazing and awesome, but don’t say things like “I don’t understand why you aren’t married yet!” or “any man would be luck y to have you”. Leave men out of it.

      6)      Do something that lets us know that you were thinking of us like making us cookies. Cookies always help J

        Single women who know they aren’t meant to stay single know (since we have been told over and over and over again) that no man will be able to solve all of our problems. But, we also know that there are huge benefits from marriage, and that is what we desire. Please be patient with us. And ladies- have hope. I am doing my best to stay strong and believe that what God has in store for me will be more than I could ever imagine. I need you to stay strong with me.