The Hunt Continues

I apologize for the lag in updates. I have been attempting to discern how to best relate my most recent hunting experiences, and my work schedule has vastly limited when I can visit the hunting ground. I present to you the last two experiences I have had:

Day One.
I walk into the grounds. I must leave early today, so I choose to sit close to the door in the back, so as not to disturb anyone. Drat! my spot is taken. I then choose to sit a few rows in, but on the far side. There is one prey sitting on the other end of the row, and I do not see any jackets or purses saving spots. I sit down, and observe my surroundings. As I look to my right, I look directly into the eyes of the prey at the end of the row. He is smiling at me. When I smile back, he looks down, not abruptly, but it makes me wonder if it was just a friendly smile.

I spend the rest of the service observing this prey. He is a great specimen. He has a short beard with the slightest touch of grey, showing that he is closer to my age. He is not skinny, but not overweight... more fit. He was wearing skinnier jeans. I do have a problem with skinny jeans, but wardrobes can be easily remedied. He appears to be very friendly, taking time to introduce himself to others around him. I leave early, but hoping to see him at this hunting ground again. Also, he has a crooked smile which I have a great weakness for. I dub him Smiley McCrookedson.

Day Two.
I come to the hunting ground with a clear plan if Smiley McCrookedson is back. I will sit in the same spot, and hopefully exchange more smiles and start a silent but knowing joke that will endear him to me. I walk in the door, and Huzzah! Smiley McCrookedson is sitting in the same spot! I quickly make my way to the spot where I was sitting, and BAM! A furry creature sits in that exact spot. I freeze, unsure of what to do, but not wanting anyone to see my plan fail. I scan my options, and dejectedly choose a seat in the very back, resigning the day to be another observation day.

But, then I remember that last week, he refilled his coffee during communal watering hole time. (I am very aware that I sound like a stalker. But, guess what? This is what a lot of girls do. Just trying to be honest.). There may be a chance he'll do it again, and maybe see me. Watering hole time comes, and he gets up to refill his cup. I sit patiently, exchanging pleasantries with the woman next to me. He turns around. I look up. He looks directly at me and suddenly gives me a huge smile. I smile back and do a fist pump in my head. He keeps walking back to his seat. As he's sitting down, he turns around, looks at me, and smiles again. I am excited. I did not have leave early today, so I dawdle after the service to see if he comes and introduces himself to me. One of his neighbours strikes up a conversation with him. I fiddle with my purse until it is awkward, and give up and leave.

I have not been able to return to the hunting ground for the past two weeks, but I have faith that if Smiley McCrookedson is the prey I am to pursue, he will be there when I can come back.

The Craving

                Nothing has really happened over the last few weeks at church, so I wanted to talk about something a little different today. When you are a single woman beyond teenage years (usually early twenties and beyond), you go through a phase. People call it different things. Some call it “being lonely” or “getting desperate”. Some non-Christians call it “needing to get laid”. I call it “the craving”.

                Every few months I go through this phase. Let me be clear. It has nothing to do with needing to “get laid”. What happens is you start to desire that romantic relationship that has thus far eluded you, and you crave it with more intensity than usual. Things start to rung through your head like “am I so disgusting that no man could want me? I just want to know that I am desired by someone. Anyone.” And there is the dangerous trap that can lead girls to pregnancies with unknown fathers, and sometimes abusive relationships. A lot of girls will try to satisfy this craving with anyone who will take them, whether it be men they don’t know, or men they previously said “no” to as they saw undesirable character flaws.

I do not believe that this is all because of low self-esteem. It is not a constant thought/way of being. And while I don’t necessarily think that I am the most amazing being on the planet, I also don’t think I am the worst. It could have something to do with hormones. I am not entirely sure. But what I do know is that it sucks. When you crave a doughnut you can give in or stay strong, but the craving will go away quickly and not severely damage your psyche. This sticks with you, and can cause a lot of emotional damage. As humans, we are beings that constantly desire relationship and community. Even as an introvert I understand this.

Looking at the relationships around us, Christian women know/are told that there are three relationships above all others: a relationship with God, with a spouse, and with your child. As a single woman, we can really only achieve one out of three (single mothers, you are awesome and get two out of three). We know that huge parts of our life are missing. And while we wait for God to fill those “holes”, we have to be careful. From my personal experience, here is what has worked for me:

To the beautiful ladies experiencing The Craving:

      1)      Know that it will eventually pass.

      2)      Avoid romantic movies and music. It sounds weird, but it will remind you of what you’re missing, and extend how long you dwell in this evil pit.

      3)      Avoid situations that will have you around a lot of men, unless you have amazing control. You don’t want to end up in a situation you’ll regret.

      4)      Invest in hobbies that will keep your mind occupied, and not let it wander.

      5)      Spend time with people who love you.

      6)      Listen to David Crowder’s “How He Loves Us” on repeat. 

      To the awesome people with single women in your lives:

      1)      DO NOT pity us. It makes us feel like you think you’re better than us.

      2)      Never tell us that “marriage isn’t that great. It’s way better to be single.” We know one of two things from that sentence. Either you’re lying, or your own marriage is in serious trouble.

      3)      Don’t start recommending things like dating websites, or men you know. This will only perpetuate the problem.

      4)      Spend time with us without giving advice. Play games with us; do fun things that will take our minds off of it.

      5)      Tell us that we are amazing and awesome, but don’t say things like “I don’t understand why you aren’t married yet!” or “any man would be luck y to have you”. Leave men out of it.

      6)      Do something that lets us know that you were thinking of us like making us cookies. Cookies always help J

        Single women who know they aren’t meant to stay single know (since we have been told over and over and over again) that no man will be able to solve all of our problems. But, we also know that there are huge benefits from marriage, and that is what we desire. Please be patient with us. And ladies- have hope. I am doing my best to stay strong and believe that what God has in store for me will be more than I could ever imagine. I need you to stay strong with me.

The Hunt- Day Three

This Sunday, I chose a different section of the watering hole. Instead of a broad observation, I narrowed my focus to observing one or two possibilities. There was one possible prey that I have had encounters with at a previous hunting ground, but nothing ever happened. In other words, I believe that I may have been "friend-zoned" (yes, this does happen to girls. All the time.). I am interested to see where this goes.

There was also a possible prey that was there assisting those to the watering hole that could not go otherwise. I observed no circle of gold indicating that he has already been caught. I am hopeful that he will return.

I am a hesitant hunter (in the real world, I am referred to as an "introvert"), but the more comfortable I am with my surroundings, the more courage i will have to take a few stabs at different prey. And by stabs, I mean talking to them. I don't plan on killing anyone.

The Hunt- Day Two

This past Sunday, I went back to the hunting ground. The Bait was not there, so I spent my time observing. There was more possible prey than last week. Several appeared to carry the physical attributes that make them desirable prey. At this time I have not had the opportunity to interact with them in order to determine if they are suitable. I attempted to use the advice stratagem of “don’t make the first move”. This succeeded in having a church staff member offer to help get me “plugged in”, and some fellow hunters ask me to sit with them.

These hunters used some interesting tactics. There was the physical preening (think of a male peacock spreading his beautiful feathers to attract a mate). They had noticeably spent much time and effort on their physical appearance. They also used traditional Christian mating calls such as “Amen!” and “Praise the Lord” when something was said emphatically in the sermon. I may borrow some of their strategies.

Day One- The Hunt Begins

I enter the hunting ground nervous, but excited. As I have not yet learned the migrating patterns of the prey in this area, this day is more about observation and education. My weapons of choice are an obviously empty left ring finger, and a large Bible to rest my left hand on.

I enter the room, choose a seat in the back, and scope out the landscape. The room is quickly filling with people. Directly in front of me sits down a friend that I didn't know would be there. I explain to her what I am doing, and it quickly becomes clear to me that she knows the hunting ground and prey well. In normal situations she would be called my “wing-man”. For this she will be referred to as “the bait”. The bait has set herself the task of pointing out possible prey. She will be a very valuable asset/weapon for this task.

It seems that there is much potential for hunting, but I believe that I will know better when I have more exposure to this hunting environment. On this Sunday I had to leave early for work, so I didn't get full exposure to the environment. I am excited to see what the future will bring, but I am a very tentative hunter. Hopefully with time I will have the courage to leave the blind and wander among the prey.

I have had a plan for my future since I was four years old. First I wanted to be a mom and a pure-bred Persian cat breeder. Then I wanted to be a mom and a lawyer. After that I wanted to be a mom and an archaeologist. Do you see the pattern here?

                When I reached high school I found out that in order to be a mom I would need to do that thing that gets kids... so my new plan was to be a wife and mom. Looking at examples around me (tv... my parents...) I decided that the most common way to achieve my plan was to meet my high school sweetheart, get married just after high school, and have babies. So in grade 11 I got a boyfriend. My plan was working perfectly! And then a month after I graduated from high school, my boyfriend broke up with me.

                After much ice cream and tears, I had to make a new plan. I thought “where else can a good Christian girl find a husband?” And then it hit me: Bible College! Of course! I shall go to Bible College (otherwise known as “Bridal College”), find a guy who is studying to become a youth pastor because they are all awesome, and get a “ring by spring”. I never really liked school, but I figured 8 months of Bridal College, and I’ll be back on track! First year came and went... nothing. I decided to keep going to school. It was bound work at some point; it seemed to be working well for everyone else. After five years of going to school, I graduated with a BA in youth work and a diploma in counselling... but I left with no husband and no plan.

                It’s been three years since I’ve graduated college, and while I haven’t had a plan or found a husband, I have received a lot of advice on how to get one. A LOT of advice. While I know most people give advice out of love, every time someone who was married at 19 years old tries to tell me how to attract a 30 year old man, I kind of want to slap them a little. Instead of resorting to physical violence, I have decided to take a different approach. I am going to take all of that ‘advice’, and try it. Since everyone seems to know exactly how to find a spouse, it must be because their strategies work, right?

                So, here’s my new plan. If you aren’t looking for a spouse, people say that you’ve “given up”, and if you are actively searching people say you’re “on the hunt/prowl”.  Well, I haven’t given up, so instead I’m going to hunt… I’m going to have a Husband Hunt! I am going to take all of the advice I’ve been given over the years and use it. These will be my new hunting strategies. Thanks to a strange work schedule that limits my time and available hunting grounds, I’ve decided that the best place to start is to go back to church.